Raising Children Who Think for Themselves by Elisa Medhus M.D

Author:Elisa Medhus, M.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: 1985-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

BODY IMAGE AND THE PERCEPTION OF BEAUTY

The beautiful people. These are the people that get the jobs and the nod of approval from society. Image is what our externally directed world responds to the most. Here are some of the things our interviewees had to say on the subject:

“The girls really put pressure on us guys to have great bods and all. People make fun of you if you’re short or fat and things like that.”

“The most stressful thing I’m up against is looking good. I see people who have everything going for them, physically. They look great and all. And they’re laughing and having a great time. It just makes me want to be like them.”

But, most of us are far from “physically perfect” according to society’s definition. And since our children realize that discrepancy, their self-esteem and confidence take a real beating. If we don’t feel accepted by the pack, how can we achieve that sense of belonging? Because of this externally directed focus, we’re faced with problems like bulimia, anorexia, and other disorders that go along with having a distorted body image and a rigid perception of beauty. This relentless pressure to comply with society’s definition of physical perfection is one of the reasons that teen depression and suicide rates have skyrocketed. So what can we do, require everyone to wear brown paper bags on their heads? I don’t think so. Let’s consider more practical, internally directed solutions.

Fighting back against the media that promote unattainable images

We need to hold the media at least partly responsible for propagandizing our children into focusing on their physical flaws and struggling for beauty at the expense of character. Why not protest against this together—loudly? That means canceling subscriptions to magazines that deal almost exclusively with ways to be more physically beautiful, boycotting TV stations that hire only the best looking newscasters, watching talent shows rather than beauty contests, and so on.

Discouraging our children from wearing designer fashions

We might want to discourage our children from being seduced by trendy fashions in order to fit in with their peers. Children need to dispense with as many external influences as possible, and being coerced into believing they have to dress a certain way is one of them they can do without.

Teaching our children where true attraction comes from

Have you ever met a gorgeous person whom you couldn’t stand or a homely person you were quite fond of? Of course, to both! We can discuss this with our children, teaching them that true attractiveness comes from a person’s self-expression, creativity, self-acceptance, and ability to show love, affection, and intimacy. By making observations or asking questions about their own peer group, we can stimulate internal dialogue on this subject:

“What is it that you find so appealing about Mary (your child’s ‘homely’ friend)?”

“You don’t seem to get along very well with Mike (a physically attractive friend)—what is it about him that rubs you the wrong way?”

“How important is it to you that your friends are nice looking,

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